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Is my relationship unhealthy?

Domestic abuse isn't a one off - it usually happens again and again and the abusive partner will try different things to gain control. It usually gets worse over time, and for many women it can continue even after the relationship has ended.

Some of the different ways an abuser will try to control his partner include:

  • Making threats to hurt you or any children
  • Throwing objects at you which causes fear even if they miss
  • Calling you names and making you feel bad about yourself
  • Making rules about how you do things, like what you are allowed to wear
  • Stopping you from seeing, or making it hard for you to see friends and family
  • Being jealous of the time you spends with others or doing things without them
  • Phoning or texting you all the time and/or expecting you to reply to them as soon as they have contacted you
  • Checking your phone and social media accounts
  • Hitting you
  • Putting pressure on you to have sex
  • Being nice to you, buying you gifts and making promises about what they will do together
  • Telling you you’re a bad mum and telling the children not to do what she says

Often the abuser will tell his partner that it is her fault that he is behaving this way and that she is making him act like this. This is not true. He says this to make her feel responsible and guilty so that he has more control over her.

Lots of people think that domestic abuse only means physical violence. This is a problem, because it can stop women from asking for help or support because "at least they don't me". More than anything, domestic abuse is about control and it is never the victim's fault.

If you are concerned about your relationship take our quiz to see if your relationship is healthy

Woman in a bubble

Do you feel isolated from friends or family members?

Embarrassed woman

Does your partner embarrass you with put-downs either when you are on your own or with other people?

Concerned woman

Do you feel able to tell your partner what you think or say no without feeling afraid or their reaction?

Hand holding coins

Do you have to account for any money you spend?

Thought bubbles around man's head

Does your partner ask you what you think or would like to do?

Speech bubbles saying No

Does your partner compromise or is it you that always has to go along with what they want?

Scared child

Does your partner criticise your parenting and threaten to take away or hurt your children?

Partner as shadow

Does your partner make it difficult for you to spend time away from them?

Damaged mug

Does your partner destroy or withhold access to your property?

Phone with social media icons

Does your partner have access to all your social media accounts or track you using technology?

Speech bubble, saying I can't live without you

Does your partner threaten to commit suicide?

Man sitting on end of a bed

Does your partner pressurise you into having sex?

Walking on eggshells

Do you feel like you are living on egg shells or that your partner is Jeykll and Hyde character?

If you answer yes to any of these your relationship may be unhealthy or abusive – please get in touch with us to discuss this further.

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@womensaidsl

  • hrussell__ profile imageStable LA funding is possible then 👍🏽#16DaysofActivism #WhatAreYouDoing?
    womensaidSL profile image‘In Conversation: Collaborative and Stable Commissioning for Domestic Abuse Services’ – Scottish Women’s Aid and East Ayrshire Council womensaid.scot/in-conver… 11 hours ago
    10 hours ago by hrussell__
  • womensaidSL profile imageThe family are now listed as homeless and await a permanent offer of accommodation. Staff begin twice weekly support sessions to aid their recovery from domestic abuse. 10 hours ago in reply to womensaidSL
  • womensaidSL profile imageThe family were given an address to met our our staff at refuge with their belongings. Staff helped with familiarisation of the space, surroundings and completed paperwork needed. 10 hours ago in reply to womensaidSL
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